Righting Posted 2014-18
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One size fits moist.
Posted Twitter
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Even though the rock star went to
church every Sunday, the parish priest gave up trying to get him to repent when
he realized the rock star was atone deaf.
posted unappreciated puns
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A buxom young woman walks into a
tattoo parlor and proudly announced,
“I give tit for tat.”
posted
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Do anorexics have fast friends?
posted unappreciated puns
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Being a Border Collie,
Tommy always toes the line.
But if it's not quite where he
wants it to be,
he'll tow the line to where it
should be.
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Old Pete down the block once said
to me. "Kid, some day, you too will become a believer in old wive's
tails."
posted
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Blind man’s buff
Difficult? As difficult as trying
to find a tattoo, on a woman, in the dark, with your tongue!
posted twitter
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From Escape, episode ‘The Match.’
“You know sergeant, it’s too bad
you never got married.’
‘Why.’
'Because you don’t have anyone to
dream of when you sleep.’
Posted
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A young woman is visiting her
gynecologist and wants to know about some of the newer contraceptives.
"Just how effective is this new contraceptive patch." She asks.
"Well." He answers with
a smile. "It depends where you put it."
Posted longer version
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Not sure how many 'Shades' books
there are going to be, but the last one should be called, "The Remains of
the Grey."
posted
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She was not a startlingly
beautiful girl and her build was not spectacular. However, every ounce of her
one hundred and fifteen pounds was exactly where it should have been. Subspace
Survivors by Edward E. Smith
Yeah, I've met women like this.
Posted
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Does a rolling kidney stone
gather no mass?
I certainly hope so!
Posted
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She may not carry the weight of
the world on her shoulders, but have you looked at her butt recently?
post on GW
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How boring is Interstate 5
through the valley?
Last time I was there, I noticed
at a rest stop that the map showing ‘points of interest’ just shows other rest
stops.
Posted
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I was telling my buddy that, with changes in
technology, certain old jokes have to be retired.
‘For instance?’ He asked.
Well, since most people don’t own
phonographs anymore, and lots of youngsters don’t even know what they are; this
joke doesn’t work well anymore.
“When I was in High School, a
friend offered to sell me some pornography. I had to say ‘No thanks’, because I
didn’t have a pornograph to play it on.”
“But Dude! My buddy said. “With
computers and the Internet, everyone now has a pornograph at home!”
posted
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I never had a chance to use this,
so I’ll give it to the rest of you in the hopes that someday you will get a
chance to use it.
“It’s amazing that a person with
such short legs can so easily put her foot in her mouth.”
posted
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My late father once said to me,
“You’re the wordsmith in the
family, answer this.
If turnabout is fair play, what’s
foreplay?”
posted
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Her laugh sounds like a small thought,
bouncing around in an empty head.
GWH
Post to GW page
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My buddy GW and I got into an
argument recently when he asked the question, “Can Vegan chicks swallow?”
I corrected him, “It’s ‘May’
Vegan chicks swallow.”
posted
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The only solace I have, is
believing that for her, I was just a warm body on a cold winters night.
ToTC, GWH
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A square into a rectangle
Everyone thought the geometry
teacher was a square, but when I bought her a few drinks, she turned into a
wreck tangle!
posted
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When my mind is in the gutter, I
go with the flow.
Posted to GWH
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If you don't listen to your conscience,
are you a conscientious objector?
Posted
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The other day I tuned into my
favorite talk show and despite the bad reception, I thought they were
discussing something about students complaining about 'Mike Rowe aggressions'
on college campuses.
Posted
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Do I need a coven to enter into a
covenant?
Or perhaps I just need a Coven
Aunt?
Posted
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Sometimes, after sneezing, I'm
not sure if I should wipe my hand on my pants, or just pet the dog
Posted
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Will the people who Caucus in Iowa on Monday then be
called Caucasians?
posted
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I'd know her in the dark,
because, you know, her hygiene issues.
Asked 'Ch' for her input, she
liked it
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My friend asked me, "Should
I be worried that I found her biography on Wickedpedia?"
posted
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Do you believe in the 'five
second rule'?
What if you drop your toothbrush-
In the bathroom?
In a hotel?
Posted
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Today is National Wildlife Day!
So enjoy the wild life today!
Posted
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What wine pairs well with horse
meat?
A shard 'o neigh.
Posted to GW and unappreciated
puns
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Wonder why I don't comment on
your annoying posts? Because other people's annoying posts crowd your annoying
posts off my feed. Which I find annoying!
posted
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I know I can write up an
elaborate tattoo story that ends with changing 'Habitat for Humanity' into
'Have a tat for Humanity. But sometimes I'm just can't get motivated.
posted
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I think I've reached the age
where, come the zombie apocalypse, my younger friends will want me on their
team just because they know they can outrun me!
Posted
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"I always strive to be a
gentleman" he said.
She touched his arm and smiled "You could fail once in a
while."
Posted
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Maybe I like her because of her imp perfections.
Posted on GW
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What can I do with, 'She was
Bike-curious."?
'Did you hear about the
unicyclist who bought an extra tire?'
posted to underappreciated
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Is love the Photoshop of the
heart?
posted
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Would a narcissist selfie
medicate?
Posted, and to unappreciated
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Should we always spell vaguely,
vagely?
Posted
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She 'I wear long T-shirts so
creepy guys don't look at my butt'
I thought, 'But it's a cute butt'
Then, 'Does that make me a creepy guy?'
tweeted
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When I first heard 'Pan Sexual',
I thought someone had a Peter Pan fetish.
Posted
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Overheard in the elevator today
"If you don't like fake
news, then don't listen to what Trump says."
Posted
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When nobody is in charge of
something, then I can say, 'Nobody told me that I couldn't. '
Posted
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What if all conspiracy theories are designed
to distract small minded people
from what's really going on?
Posted and twitter
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Monopoly dropping an old token in
favor of a modern one is just a thimble of our times.
Posted
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I was a little frustrated with
something at work and thought, 'I am at my wit's end'!
Then I thought, I can't use that.
My friend Jewit is sometimes called 'Wit'. She's not 'my wit'. And I shouldn't
ever think of being, 'At Wit's end'!
Innocent phrases can have
different meanings
msgd to Danger Girl
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Some things you notice when
walking your dog at 6 am Sunday morning, 'I've never seen that car parked in
front of that single persons house.'.
posted
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When you lose the Mistress of
your destiny, you have a very hard skill set to try and Master.
Posted
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Back in the day (before the turn
of the century), I was in Boston, having a beer with my coworker. We were
discussing the recent new hires and I said. “That Nancy (not her real name, of
course.) is not bad looking. What do you think?”
“Hmmm…she’s okay.”
“Okay, as in ?”
“If we were stranded together on
a deserted tropical island, she’d be okay.”
Six months later, I am back in
Boston and having a beer with my friend and I asked him, “So, how’s your love
life?”
With a rather sheepish look on
his face he said, “I’m doing okay.”
Posted
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If I was a vegan, could I choose
the juniper berry as my spirit animal?
Posted
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When I explained to my friend
that a mountain lion and a cougar are the same thing, he grinned and said.
'Yes, but mountain lion and
mountin cougar are very different.'
Posted
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It’s not that I talk to myself
nowadays, it’s more that I talk to the person who is no longer here to listen.
Posted
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When I said, ‘Nothing is as
inviting as an unmade bed.” My friend GW just grinned and said, “Unless the
person who unmade it is still in it.”
Posted
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When I saw that a spider had
built its web on the guest bathroom toilet was when I realized I should have
guests over more often.
Posted
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There is an old joke that goes-
My widowed aunt used to say,
‘Whenever I feel lonely or depressed, I either go out and buy a new hat, or
take a new lover. But what’s a gal to do, no one wears hats anymore.’
1. I don’t find this as funny as
I used to.
2. I’ll let you know when my hat
rack is full.
Posted
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I said to my friend. ‘At some
point you need to ask yourself. Are you seduced more by her dark side, or by
her dork side?’
Post on twitter
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What was that pun about a nanny?
Aupairently I forgot it
posted
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Looking forward to the day when I
can tell you about a new friend and I can say, "We're more like, 'Friends,
with secrets.'
Posted
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I wonder if it's just me that
noticed the connection between LOTR and 50 shades? They both have the same
theme, 'And in the darkness, bind them.'
Posted
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At work, the first person arriving in our section turns on the lights. So when
the girls get here and the lights are out, their first thought is, ‘Oh, we beat
Dennis into work!’
And then their next thought is, ‘Unless he is lurking in some darkened cubicle,
waiting to jump out at us and yell, “Good morning!”.
Posted
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Why is it called 'lubricant'? Shouldn't it be called 'lubrican'?
Posted
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As a gentleman, when choosing produce at the grocery store, I always reach high
and towards the back; that leaves the low items in front for the little shorter
people.
And not, as others might think, because the stuff in the back is fresher and
less picked over.
Posted
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She was such a bad English teacher that she
couldn't conjugate a verb without a conjugal visit?
Semi-used—
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She was an air head who was
low on pressure.
Posted
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Before Viagra, did old gigolos
just limp along?
Posted
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When can I use "Age before
booty."
Sort of posted
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